you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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