umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
