I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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