Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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