Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
