went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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