i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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