I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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