i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the condom got lost in my hair
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
