Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
