the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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