Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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