Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
