There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
