just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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