I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
