I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
