i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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