There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
