He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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