did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize