**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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