I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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