Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
