He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
