God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
