Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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