Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
