If i come over, it means nothing
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
