dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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