I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
