you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
