All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
