My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
