no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
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