She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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