I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
