how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
