i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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