Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nutella sex= disaster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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