there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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