In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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