Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need moral support for this bender
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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