He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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