he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
