i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
