New low: just hacked my moms facebook
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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