What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
