Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
