In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
