i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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