Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
