Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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