I must be too annoying 4 u.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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