Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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So squirting runs in the family.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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