She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
