I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
