I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
