I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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