and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
