i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
