U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
