R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm at about main and main street
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
