I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All the doctor said was why
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
