True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
