Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
