Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize