I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
