I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
